The A Word


Some days start off well and then one action…one solitary action can turn it upside down.

Little man was in a good mood this morning and we needed bog roll (because it was cheap and we were down to one sheet and one sheet definitely does NOT do plenty) so I thought it was safe to take him down to the shops to buy that (and maybe some sweeties). We’d had a lovely morning, singing, laughing, counting and playing. He was laughing his socks off. I love his laughs, they are real belly laughs. His laughs make me laugh. They’re awesome. So we made plans to go to the shops. We got dressed, fed the dog her biscuit (she always has one when we go out) and put our coats on.

Then all hell broke loose.

Little man lost the plot BIG TIME and started crying and screaming. Every attempt to calm him just made him worse. His cries morphed into howls and he started kicking at the furniture. I went silent and stood in the kitchen listening to him rage on, totally bewildered at the change in him from only minutes before.

This went on for a good half an hour and I realised that it was pointless even attempting to take him to the shops. Shopping with Little Man is difficult at the best of times. There are the odd occasions when he’s an absolute angel and we wonder if we’ve got the right kid. But generally he doesn’t cope well in shops. I’ve learnt not to take him once he’s had a meltdown. I’ve done this a time or two thinking that he will be ok to deal with things having already vented but it doesn’t work that way because these meltdowns make him tired and he tends to be even more sensitive.

So I’ve been sat here racking my brains trying to think of what kicked all this off. Why was my child happy and smiling one minute and looking like something out of the Exorcist the next?

Well I think I’ve sussed it and if I’m right, I need kicking because I should know better.

The only thing I can think of is that I asked little man to take his nursery bag (to carry his sweeties in). That’s the point that it all went Pete Tong and I should have known that to his little mind, that bag means he’s going to nursery and he knew that he wasn’t going to nursery. So it’s my fault and I feel bad. I feel really bad that my action has caused my son so much distress. I caused it because I didn’t think it through.

And I feel angry because Katie Hopkins (of the I failed at everything else so I’m going to be a bitch, fame) has now taken it upon herself to insult parents of children with special needs (my son hasn’t been diagnosed with anything yet but he does have special needs… that’s clear enough) so excuse me but what the hell does she know? I would love to see how she would cope with a child having a meltdown in a shop because it smells funny or the music is too loud. I would love to see how she’d cope with being spat on and pushed NOT because the child is being naughty but because the child can’t process the stimuli around it. I thought of that smarmy cow as I listened to my son’s frustration being thrashed out in the next room. She is exactly the kind of person who will stare and tut at a child who is having a meltdown without stopping to think that there may be another reason besides ‘naughtiness’ and ‘bad parenting’. Sadly there are many more equally ignorant and judgemental people like her. I’ve experienced this many times with my son.

But now it’s quiet. it’s like there’s been a big storm and it’s passed over. All I can do is hold my son, stroke his hair and wonder which magazine I’m going to cut up to use as bog paper.

Thank you for reading.

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10 thoughts on “The A Word

  1. Fab post, but sounds like an utter nightmare. Must have been such an easy mistake to make telling him to take the nursery bag. Awful that people would judge your child without know anything at all about him.
    Hope you replenished the bog roll soon after.

  2. Very well done on working out the trigger – sometimes it can take me more than a day to do that.
    Poor wee man, and poor you, it’s utterly exhausting when meltdown hits.
    Hope everyone is calm now and tomorrow is a better day.

  3. Big huge hugs for you and S. Well done working it out so quickly so it doesn’t happen again. Would he accept a new bag as his shop bag? E has a bag for life but in miniature, maybe that could be his shop bag. Love you both and hope you guys have a better day tomorrow, MM xxx

  4. Oh Tracy, why do you always persecute yourself and ALWAYS lay the fault at your door. You where amazing with S today, playing & singing….now I my day, I made mine watch day time tv, while I worked around them doing household jobs.
    S had a melt down, nothing new there……but you sorted why so quickly and that must have been a relief to him that he was able to communicate and for you to understand where it had gone wrong. Then the good Mummy you are, you comforted him and didn’t expose his to anymore distress by sorting out that F/M was to get toilet roll (sorry, can’t say bog!!). If you hadn’t done that, you for sure would have had meltdowns using newspaper & magazines on your bums….imagine if S had had to do that after a No 2….
    You concentrate on your negatives, maybe due to your friend Katie Hopkins ( wonderwoman, intelligent, perfect mother and just plain old the only women with a brain ) not like us minions….
    I know it’s been an up & down week for you and I think you are just looking to blame yourself instead of giving yourself credit that most of use would find unimaginable and just too bloody hard to cope with. S is perfect in his own little world….he doesn’t see what his actions can do to you as a Mummy.
    Hold that head up high……you are simply smashing.
    Love & kisses to the moon & back xxxxxxxxx

    • Aww Thanks Sheerie x

      I felt guilty because we know that Damien is so routine driven. It’s all about making his life as stress free as we can (and ours into the bargain). For example he will only have one side of his quilt cover on show. If I forget (and sometimes I do) and put it on the other way, he gets genuinely upset. It’s things like that and I do kick myself when I get it wrong (especially when I should know better). No parent likes to see their child upset, especially when it could have been avoided by a bit of forward thinking. But you live and learn. I won’t fall for that one again in a hurry.
      Love you xxxx

  5. Don’t even read K.H’s drivel.

    Sadly, parents like us to have to try and grow a hard skin where other people are concerned about our child’s needs.
    I’m eight years in after my son’s diagnosis and ignorance is still common.

    No-one else matters unless they add to ‘your world.’ Add harmony, help, love and support.

    Ignore the others.


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