Everything is Changing


Some people get bored with routine, others struggle to function without it. S fits into the latter. As do I.

On Tuesday, S’s headmaster informed me that they have appointed a Special Support Assistant for him. The good thing is that the lady, Mrs H, already works at the school in Year 2 and S is familiar with her.

Mrs H will start on Monday of next week so from now on it’s about easing S through the transition of Mrs C, whom he loves and has bonded with, to Mrs H.

I met Mrs H for the first time this morning. We’re due to have a formal meeting RE Statement on Wednesday but she wanted to introduce herself. Because I wasn’t expecting it (and I was having a menopausal morning from hell) I found myself waffling on in-between hot flushes and was on repeat mode. She was smiling but it looked a little forced as if she was thinking, “Fruitcake alert, someone remove this madwoman!”. Of course, I’m not mad, not really – well maybe a bit. It’s genetic…

Truth is that routine is as important to me as it is to S and any changes, good or bad, upset me. I don’t have meltdowns like S but I do get upset and my brain won’t hold onto information. For this reason, I always like to have OH with me during such meetings so that important information isn’t missed or misinterpreted by me. OH wasn’t there this morning so I was lone wolfing.

I will be honest, it’s not only S who has formed an attachment to Mrs C, I have as well and I didn’t realise how much until this morning…

I have described Mrs C in previous posts. She’s bubbly and caring. Children adore her and it’s easy to see why. She gets down to their level. She thinks absolutely nothing of running around a playground with a child, just so he can “let the silly words out”. Or lying on a cold, hard floor to have a conversation with a child who refuses to get up. She understands autism and sensitivity. She understands my son and his needs. She understands me as a Mother with a child who has learning difficulties.

She understands my difficulties. I told her how I struggle with crowds and she understood, telling me that she finds it hard to sit in the staffroom when it’s full. She doesn’t just see S as needing support, she sees us as a family needing support. I know she’ll be there in the background but it’s really upsetting me that we have to move on. I know we do because ultimately this is about S and his future.

Mrs H told me that although he acknowledged her this morning, he ran to Mrs C as he always does. She knows that it isn’t going to be easy.

My heart also goes out to Mrs C. It must be so rewarding when a child like S forms a bond with a teacher. S “loves” Mrs C. She is his “best friend” and I know that it will be hard for her to go through this transition as well.

For months, S has been going into school via the main entrance, being buzzed in by Mrs N, the receptionist. He loves that, it’s become routine. Off he goes through the door into the hall, swinging his bags – in search of his friend, Mrs C.

From Monday, we are to start going in via the playground. This was my suggestion but on thinking about it, it might be too much for S to cope with as well as another change to his routine so I will ask to postpone that for a week or two. In fact, I’ve just phoned school to ask to speak to Mrs H about it.

I came home this morning and cried. Actually, I started to fill up while I was with Mrs H. Just the thoughts of the transition made me emotional. I was so relived to get home, close the door and cry.

I feel for Mrs H. This won’t be easy for her. Mrs C is a hard act to follow and she will have to work hard to gain S’s trust but if she manages it, she will find her way to my son’s heart.

Meanwhile I have to try and cope with my own difficulties with routine. It’s not easy. Sometimes my life feels almost normal but it only takes the slightest change to send me spiralling into the land of confusion. But all this comes second to S. It’s his life, his future and I, despite my problems (or maybe because of them) am determined to make sure that he reaches his potential.

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. ~ Arnold Bennett

Photo Credit~ Ed Dale


10 thoughts on “Everything is Changing

  1. Any period of transition is bound to be tough for all those involved and as his mother, it’s natural you feel so upset by the current uncertainty as the changes are made. You just want him to be happy and at ease, like any mother would! It must be a worry for you but it sounds like the school is going to do whatever it takes to help make the changeover happen as smoothly as possible and at the end of the day, everyone has S’s best interests at heart. Stay strong and soon things will be settled once again, I’m sure! Thinking of you and sending hugs too! xx

  2. I do understand your heartbreak. N had the same TA for four years. Way longer than is usually suggested but I don’t think anyone else could handle her! Their bond was so strong. The TA sobbed for weeks before N left to go for a new school and I know she felt completely bereft. N struggled without her but our children are surprisingly good at adapting even tho it can take way longer than it does for other children. Sending you a massive hug and a tissue for your tears xxx

  3. Honey I wish I could come and scoop you up and tell you everything would be o.k like your mother would but I can’t. Things may not be great straight away but remember when S first went to Mrs C it will be the same for Mrs H everyone will have to get used to it.You are a brilliant mum so you will get S through this period of change….hugs for you *This too shall pass* xxx

  4. Oh my darling twitter daughter, nobody unless in the same situation can say they know what you are going through and I certainly can’t not having a child with autism. What I can do for you is offer my love and support freely for you whenever you need it. In my ideal world I would live nearby and be there as your crutch whenever the OH can’t be. Did they swap Mrs C for Mrs H so that S doesn’t form a bond that is so hard to break when he goes on to hugs next school??? It strike me from what you have said that you chose a very good school that does as much as it can to meet S’s needs and yours, for that we thank god.
    Reading this blog, only in my opinion, I think this has upset you and is more about you than S. Pat yourself on the back for what you achieve more, you are a fantastic Mum and are there for S whenever he needs you and tackles things like shopping etc with him, even though it would be easier for the both of you to stay inside and close the door on the world. Maybe if you were younger, you would have been assessed with “problems” and then you wouldn’t doubt yourself so much because you would have a ‘title’ which would then make you think, YES, I have achieved that, well done Tracy.
    You have such a strong twitter following you who believe in you and want the best for you and your whole family, like me, that is the only extended family we have. I am just 1 of many who love you BUT I hope you realize I love you more than any of the others!!!
    When you need to cry, cry, that’s the only way to let go of the emotions and carry on.
    Love you to the moon & back…..from your twitter Ma XxXxXxXxXxXx

    • What a lovely comment!!
      I’m crying again…
      Thank you so much for these lovely words. xXx
      The change is because he’s got the statement. Mrs C is there for all the children but works closely with S & one other child. Mrs H will be working solely with him. Mrs C will be around but not as before. The bond with this amazing lady would have had to have been broken later on in the year anyway as she works in Reception class and S will move up into Year 1. Mrs H will be able to follow him up through the years or as long as he has the statement.. So maybe it’s better that it’s happening now.
      Love you to the moon and back and then some! xXxXxXx

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