Some people get bored with routine, others struggle to function without it. S fits into the latter. As do I.
On Tuesday, S’s headmaster informed me that they have appointed a Special Support Assistant for him. The good thing is that the lady, Mrs H, already works at the school in Year 2 and S is familiar with her.
Mrs H will start on Monday of next week so from now on it’s about easing S through the transition of Mrs C, whom he loves and has bonded with, to Mrs H.
I met Mrs H for the first time this morning. We’re due to have a formal meeting RE Statement on Wednesday but she wanted to introduce herself. Because I wasn’t expecting it (and I was having a menopausal morning from hell) I found myself waffling on in-between hot flushes and was on repeat mode. She was smiling but it looked a little forced as if she was thinking, “Fruitcake alert, someone remove this madwoman!”. Of course, I’m not mad, not really – well maybe a bit. It’s genetic…
Truth is that routine is as important to me as it is to S and any changes, good or bad, upset me. I don’t have meltdowns like S but I do get upset and my brain won’t hold onto information. For this reason, I always like to have OH with me during such meetings so that important information isn’t missed or misinterpreted by me. OH wasn’t there this morning so I was lone wolfing.
I will be honest, it’s not only S who has formed an attachment to Mrs C, I have as well and I didn’t realise how much until this morning…
I have described Mrs C in previous posts. She’s bubbly and caring. Children adore her and it’s easy to see why. She gets down to their level. She thinks absolutely nothing of running around a playground with a child, just so he can “let the silly words out”. Or lying on a cold, hard floor to have a conversation with a child who refuses to get up. She understands autism and sensitivity. She understands my son and his needs. She understands me as a Mother with a child who has learning difficulties.
She understands my difficulties. I told her how I struggle with crowds and she understood, telling me that she finds it hard to sit in the staffroom when it’s full. She doesn’t just see S as needing support, she sees us as a family needing support. I know she’ll be there in the background but it’s really upsetting me that we have to move on. I know we do because ultimately this is about S and his future.
Mrs H told me that although he acknowledged her this morning, he ran to Mrs C as he always does. She knows that it isn’t going to be easy.
My heart also goes out to Mrs C. It must be so rewarding when a child like S forms a bond with a teacher. S “loves” Mrs C. She is his “best friend” and I know that it will be hard for her to go through this transition as well.
For months, S has been going into school via the main entrance, being buzzed in by Mrs N, the receptionist. He loves that, it’s become routine. Off he goes through the door into the hall, swinging his bags – in search of his friend, Mrs C.
From Monday, we are to start going in via the playground. This was my suggestion but on thinking about it, it might be too much for S to cope with as well as another change to his routine so I will ask to postpone that for a week or two. In fact, I’ve just phoned school to ask to speak to Mrs H about it.
I came home this morning and cried. Actually, I started to fill up while I was with Mrs H. Just the thoughts of the transition made me emotional. I was so relived to get home, close the door and cry.
I feel for Mrs H. This won’t be easy for her. Mrs C is a hard act to follow and she will have to work hard to gain S’s trust but if she manages it, she will find her way to my son’s heart.
Meanwhile I have to try and cope with my own difficulties with routine. It’s not easy. Sometimes my life feels almost normal but it only takes the slightest change to send me spiralling into the land of confusion. But all this comes second to S. It’s his life, his future and I, despite my problems (or maybe because of them) am determined to make sure that he reaches his potential.
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. ~ Arnold Bennett