Tomorrow is the day that we will find out whether or not S will be diagnosed as autistic.
I don’t need a diagnosis to know it. I’m his Mother and I understand my son but that doesn’t guarantee a diagnosis. It’s not down to me.
I have gone over tomorrow a thousand times in my head.
What if they diagnose him?
What if they don’t?
The scenarios are that they will:
a) Diagnose him
b) Not go for a diagnosis at this stage.
c) Reject autism as a diagnosis & discharge.
For me, only two are acceptable and that’s diagnose or delay because I know that S is autistic. I’ve lived with him for every day of his four and a half years and autism is the only thing that fits.
He has been cleared of any other health issues that could cause his problems.
S goes to speech therapy. He has no speech delay but he does have social communication difficulties. Last Friday was his latest appointment and we’d spent all week psyching him up for it. We have to do this with everything out of his everyday routine. What we forgot to do was tell him that it wouldn’t be in the usual place…
S was in a relatively good mood as we set off but he immediately realised that we were going in the opposite direction and he shouted out that we were going the wrong way, (one of his obsessions are street names and roads- he memorizes them). We told him that we were going to a different place for the therapy.
Well that was it.
His mood changed and he became agitated. From happy to unhappy in 0.60.
When we got into the waiting room he wouldn’t sit still. He was hyper and talking in a funny voice. After about ten minutes the speech therapist came out and ushered us in. S was non compliant from the word go. He was grabbing things, babbling, shouting, swiping cards off the table, pushing the therapists arm away from him. We were there for about ten minutes trying to get him to sit down but he was too overwhelmed. So we had to abandon the session and she said it would be better for her to go and see him at school.
All this because we forgot to tell him of a change of venue. If that isn’t autism, I don’t know what is.
This is S. This is what he does, but sods law says that the two occasions that he saw the paediatrician during the assessment he was compliant.
It’s my feeling that we will have to wait a little longer and that’s OK with me. Autism doesn’t go away. If he is autistic, like we think he is, it’s part of who he is.
Tonight will be a very long night but I have to accept that at this point, I have no control over what tomorrow will bring.
All I can do is sit, wait and wish for the best outcome for my son.
“Are you ready?” Klaus asked finally.
“No,” Sunny answered.
“Me neither,” Violet said, “but if we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let’s go. ~ Lemony Snicket – The Ersatz Elevator