You’re So Vain (you probably think this post is about you)


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but my idea of beauty differs greatly from that of the media.

Facelifts, Botox injections, teeth whitening and veneers are becoming common place for women these days and for television presenters of a ‘certain age’ it’s expected if they want to keep their jobs. Seemingly women have a shelf life, as opposed to their male counterparts, who’s only other requirement is a pulse. Men can go on presenting into their 80’s but women are put out to pasture on Radio 4 where they can still be heard but not seen.

The message from the media is that old is not beautiful.

As Catherine Tate’s ‘Nan Taylor‘ would say, “WHAT A LOAD OF OLD SHIT!!”

Women are becoming completely obsessed with their looks, desperately trying to eradicate the effects of time for fear of being replaced by a younger woman.

But what is beautiful?

The media portrays surgically altered and photo manipulated women as beautiful and as a result women are aspiring to be something that’s unrealistic.

Bigger boobs, smaller waist, thinner nose, bigger lips, smaller piss flaps, thicker hair, whiter teeth and muff styling – anything to change their appearance.

The result of continually going under the surgeons knife is something that wouldn’t look out of place in Madame Tussaud’s – only the really shit looking waxworks which look nothing like the celebrities they’re meant to be.

Then there’s these two…

I was stunned to read about the ‘Human Barbie‘, Valeria Lukyanova.

Er, what’s going on here then?

There is also Justin Jedlica ,dubbed ‘The Ken Doll” by the media, who has had 140 plastic surgery procedures in the last 15 years including 12 implants in his torso that mimic shapely arm and chest muscles.

According to him his body modification comes from a place of artistic creativity, not a mental illness.

Not deluded in the slightest!

If I was to come face to face with one of these creepy creatures, I’d presume that I’d been mixing my household chemicals again, or that I was actually dead and this was karma paying me for snapping the leg off a Barbie in 1978.

Recently Valeria claimed she wants to live only on light and air.

As you do..

In recent weeks I have not been hungry at all; I’m hoping it’s the final stage before I can subsist on air and light alone.

No, that’ll be the final stage before you die, but I’m sure you’ll look just fabulous in your coffin!

Normally, I’m a ‘whatever floats your boat’ person. If celebs want to take the risks with their looks, it’s tough false tits when it goes wrong but these ‘dolls’, especially the food dodger with her “food nihilism” and her message that surgery is the essence of beauty is alarming. They have a fan base, no doubt made up of perverts and impressionable girls.

For the good of humanity – load her and all the other ‘dolls’, including Ken with his fake pecs, into a rocket, light the boosters and fire em off into space before they have chance to reproduce.

Why in the name of Cher would anybody want to look like a doll? I had a Holly Hobbie once but I don’t want to have freckles tattooed on my face and wear a bonnet!

I’m not sure what alarms me more – the fact that people choose to do this to themselves or that unscrupulous surgeons are willing to exploit what amounts to mental illness. I am all for corrective or reconstructive surgery when it’s about quality of life, but this is insanity.

Celebs will go to extraordinary lengths to hold onto their youthful looks.

Mrs Beckham for instance, is rumored to be using a facial which involves bird poo.

Go sit on Blackpool prom with a tray of chips, Posh – you’ll be graced with more bird shit than you’ll know what to do with!

What’s so wrong with wrinkles anyway? They certainly haven’t done Dame Judi Dench any harm. She is proof that older women can be naturally beautiful and desirable.

I’m hardly Waynetta Slob when it comes to my beauty regime. I do try to look keep myself presentable but a twice weekly exfoliation and tash control is about as radical as it gets.

I’m growing fond of my lines. They show I’ve lived.Β  Many people don’t live to see their first wrinkle and at 44 I count myself lucky.

And I’m not totally against a little maintenance work here and there. Helen Mirren has had a subtle face and neck lift. The look is natural and in keeping with her age. She’s not trying to look 18 again.

I’ve grown up watching my mother trying to fend off time. She spent that much money on creams and potions, I expected a sympathy card fromΒ  L’Oreal when she died.

Her self esteem plummeted as she aged. She didn’t do age. She wasn’t comfortable with it. She’d get stroppy when we playfully ribbed her about it then she’d flounce off upstairs saying, “Sod the lotta yer!”

She had these amazing brown eyes and never looked more beautiful than first thing in the morning before the make up went on. She despised her wrinkles but I loved them, partly because I’d helped to put them there – especially the furrows in her brow.

I prefer natural beauty – amazing eyes and a great smile do it for me.

Maybe if society appreciated older women more, Ma would have been more confident with her looks.

My mother was a beautiful woman, she just couldn’t see it.

Lets take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of July’s
You can’t have too many good times, children
You can’t have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

~ Prettiest Eyes – The Beautiful South

Image Credit

This post is part ofΒ  Mumturnedmom‘s linky.


















31 thoughts on “You’re So Vain (you probably think this post is about you)

  1. Funny enough the other day hubby and I were saying that when the Time Team people were excavating all they’d find would be fake teeth and implants! It is really strange that people feel the need for all this, isn’t it? I mean I keep my hair done, and put a bit of slap on when I’m going out and keep myself relatively tidy, but like yourself, I feel that getting older is a privilege. The most beautiful person I knew was my Nan who had the most infectious personality and wonderful smile. I choose to be like her.

  2. I love this. Wrinkles and laughter lines show a life that’s been lived. And I agree that Judi Dench and Helen Mirren are both beautiful women. Very thought-provoking post πŸ™‚

  3. Great post although I am now feeling rather freaked out having visited the ‘living barbie and ken doll’ sites! Terrifying! It really is about time we started presenting realistic images of beauty in society. I think if hollywood embraced ageing in a normal way it could have a really big impact. I’m so sick of seeing ‘horrible surgery-faced’ people on the big screen – imagine if everyone looked normal – wouldn’t that be great?! A very thought-provoking post. #theprompt

  4. Whats a few lines between friends…….they show my life, my happiness and my sadness. Media has got me, I see my body in a mirror and I’m disgusted by it but not enough to stay eating cake! Although somewhere deep inside, I do know there us something rather nice about me. My outer case is like a cheap old carrier bag ready for the bin. I honestly don’t mind fat….it’s the wobbly bits & muffin top. Sometimes I take my hat off to people who are undergoing surgical procedures… god they look so painful, why would you want to do that to yourself??? I use to work in a hospital department which dealt with ladies after mastectomies, it made me want to shout at the few girls/women having enlargements be thankful for what you have.
    My gran had the most beautiful soft pure skin, she would only ever wash in collected rainwater and used O’lay or whatever it was called then and her hands were so so soft.
    You did make me laugh about getting a card when your Ma died… always see something funny Tracy.
    Love you to bits, from your chubby twitter Ma who has put on nearly 3 stone since my medications started. When I was younger, I couldn’t give blood because I was so slim……oh, those were the days but Molly-Rose doesn’t judge me and she likes her Nana’s cuddles xxxx

    • Thanks for this wonderful comment, Sheerie – and you’re right about little children. They don’t judge people on their looks and Nana’s and Mummies are ALWAYS beautiful. πŸ™‚
      You’re more beautiful than you realise…
      I’ve been here before. πŸ™‚ xXxXx

  5. Great post – and funny that we should both mention old Valeria (nut job!!) :-). Sad that your mum ( or anyone) should lose their confidence as they get older for reasons of looks. I’ll be turning 43 in a week and I feel more confident than ever really. I guess that maybe comes from never really focusing too much on beauty in the first place! #theprompt

  6. It’s a sad old world really – obsessed with fame, fortune and fake-beauty! I think we really need to teach our kids true values, so they grow up comfortable in their own skin. The idea of the human Barbie/Ken makes my stomach turn…

    Sounds like your Ma sounds was a fabulous lady, what a lovely thing to say about her eyes xx #ThePrompt

  7. I just sad everytime I see that living barbie because she comes out with such drivel. In the article I read about her living off air and light she also claimed she was an alien from a different plant.
    Doesn’t that right there say she isn’t in her right mind to be able to consent to all these surgeries.
    I also think the way the media portraits models is wrong. The other day I saw a picture of a “plus sized” model that couldn’t of been any bigger the size 10. That isn’t “plus sized”!

  8. Love the Carly Simon inspired title! The media obsession with an unattainable idea of beauty and never ageing is disturbing. It’s surely far better to embrace what we have (and a little enhancement is ok, as you say) – our self-esteem would surely be far better that way.

    • Definitely!
      The key is to love what you see because confidence is part of it.
      If you feel ‘beautiful’ – you will smile a lot more and smiling is a beautiful thing πŸ™‚
      Thanks for your comment. πŸ™‚

  9. Another great post! Absolutely love the way you write, you have me nodding and snorting and thinking ‘well said’!
    The ‘real’ Barbie and Ken are quite depressing and very sad; it is awful that we have reached a point where people actually aspire to that. I turned 40 last year and I honestly have never felt, or looked, better despite (or perhaps because of?) the grey hair and wrinkles! I am more comfortable and confident and I do think that makes such a difference. So much beauty comes from within, personality really does shine through. I do worry about the looks obsessed world that my daughter is growing up in… I have a very important job teaching her what is true, natural, beauty.
    And, I completely agree that Judi Dench and Helen Mirran are beautiful women, and I see nothing wrong with a little work!
    Thanks so much for linking to #ThePrompt x

    • Thanks Sara πŸ™‚
      “I have a very important job teaching her what is true, natural, beauty.”
      So true..
      I have sons but I hope I’ve taught them to respect and appreciate women as they naturally are. x

  10. I absolutely love this post. You make so many good points. Society’s obsession with looks and ageing and enhancing everything does get right on my nerves. Nobody is real or normal any more and it makes it hard for people who lack confidence or who are vulnerable to be happy with themselves. Reading about crappy celebs like Jordan, the Kardashians and TOWIE girls fills people’s heads with crap and makes them aspire to be like this.

    • ‘Human Barbie’ and ‘Justin Jedlica’ are in red font because they link to their need to Google πŸ™‚
      Bit I’d make sure you’re not eating at the time or you might choke. πŸ˜€ X

  11. Bah, left a comment earlier but no idea if it worked or not, so leaving another!
    I think you’re bang on the money here, surgeons shouldn’t be allowed to operate on people like that imo, they should be offered confidence boosting therapy or similar instead.
    As far as age in society goes, I think society really sucks at the moment, you can’t win, you’re either too fat or too thin, there is no ‘right’ size/weight and equally hard with age, if you have work done it’s frowned upon, if you don’t you look ‘old’ and therefore apparently bad! Gah, it gets to me.

  12. Thank you πŸ™‚
    “they should be offered confidence boosting therapy or similar instead.”
    True though for extreme cases like this, I would say the issue goes a lot deeper and requires serious medical intervention. I know it’s a cliche but in these cases I would be interested to know what went on in their childhoods.

  13. Fantastic post. Very honest.
    I agree that the media putting an “expiry date” on women is damaging. Probably what caused the Human Barbie to go to those extremes.
    So what if we have a few wrinkles or slightly saggier boobs?
    I’m not traditionally pretty, or beautiful but I know when I’m feeling good and being confident, I look great and mostly couldn’t give a shit about how other people see me, anyway.

  14. Amazing post – you had me gripped at ‘piss flaps’.
    You are, of course, totally right! Unfortunately the media has taken its toll on my body image – but it is my mission in life to not let it grip my daughter!

  15. Love your post! I’ve found that 40 and beyond requires a conscious mental shift to define what it is you’re about, and once you own that, you embrace the you ya got and I find usually that women generally look better and better once that happens. Self possession is very attractive!

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