Love and Marriage


“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

On Christmas Day 2013, OH went all emotional on me and asked me to marry him. I watched him wavering about on one knee and briefly wondered if Alan Titchmarsh was going to burst through the door, trowel in hand, shouting, ‘DOOANT MARRY ‘IM, CUM WI’ UZ LASS!’

This did not happen.

So I said, ‘Yeah, go on then’.

The plan was to remain engaged for a few years but then we came to do our wills earlier this year and found out that we’d have to pay again once we got married so I said ‘Sod THAT for a game of conkers, matey, we’ll do it now.’

So here I am, about to dip my toe in the marital pool for the second time but, to be honest, I feel a bit of a tit getting married at 45 years of age because I’m menopausal. I AM WITHOUT OESTROGEN, for God’s sake!

Me and OH have opted for a registry office wedding and as weddings go, it’s low key. Any lower and we’d be having it in McDonald’s. Even so, I’ve allowed myself a few bridal treats..

~The Dress~

Having been around the block more times than my old Yaris, I decided to leave the virginal white for ladies with, er, less miles on the clock.

So, in the absence of my mum, I dragged a reluctant OH into town and after ten minutes of effing and blinding trying to prise myself into a selection of dresses, I settled on my fourth choice which was a black and cream number. It’s floaty, stylish and more importantly, it disguises my mammoth rear-end and tree-trunk thighs. The downside is that it’s sleeveless and despite going all out with the dumbbells over the last few months.. my triceps are still refusing to come out from behind the flab, dammit!

~ The Coiffure ~

I’ve had my roots done and I’ll be in for a wash & blow job on the day of the wedding. No ‘up do’s. No tiaras. No frills. Simples and therefore, cheap.

~ Make-Up~

I’m doing my own, people. I’ve seen what passes for make-up trends these days and I don’t want OH thinking he’s marrying Lily Savage!

The only change to my usual make-up regime will be some waterproof mascara for when the tears start (when we have to PAY THE BILL) and some lipstick – menopausal red, to match my cheeks!

However, I have booked a lady to come and spray-tan me a few days before the wedding. This is because I have legs with varicose veins on them and it looks like I’ve slept on a road atlas, innit. I’ve never had a spray tan done professionally before and my own pathetic attempts at tanning have resulted in zebra style striping and fingers that look like I’m on 60 B&H a day. I’m hoping for ‘natural glow’ as opposed to looking like I’ve been creosoted. Fingers crossed!


Black. Nuff said?


Has to be big enough to hold: mobile phone, wet-wipes, plasters, tissues, lipstick, pit spray, brush, Rescue Remedy, Tena pads, emergency bog roll and S’ paraphernalia including Kindle, Nintendo DS, headphones, cuddly toy, snacks, drinks, Lego *pauses for breath*

Do they do holdalls in black suede?

~ Flowers ‘n’ Stuff ~

Originally, I wasn’t going to bother with flowers. Then I decided to have a posy made up for me and a buttonhole for OH. My posy will go on mum and dad’s grave and OH’s buttonhole, on his mum’s. I feel sad that they can’t be here to celebrate our special day but I know they will be with us in spirit.

What the day lacks in pomp and ceremony, I hope it will more than make up for with fun and laughter because that’s what I want to remember when I look back on the day. Hopefully nobody gets mullered and ends up in the pool minus their Speedo’s but seeing as I can only manage a pint without falling into a coma these days (and I can’t swim) I can rest easy that at least it won’t be me.

It’s been hard not having my mum here to help me plan things. I miss her beyond words. I miss them both, so much.

Life can be a heartless bitch at times but it’s what we make of the rest of it that matters. I’m here because my parents loved each other and the best way that I can honour them on my wedding day is to enjoy it and make some happy memories. It’s what they’d want. It’s what any parent would want for their child, no matter how old they are.

~ Words of Thanks ~

Ma would be happy to know that I’ve made some wonderful friends including some amazing online ones and a few in ‘real life’. One friend is making our wedding cake as a gift. Another has offered to mind S for a few hours if it gets too much for him and we have been given the most beautiful picture as a gift from a lady who I’ve never met but feel like I’ve always known. I’ll treasure it, always.

Finally, I’d like to thank my long suffering OH who still wants to marry me, despite having more than than enough evidence to have me put away in a secure psychiatric unit. Not many men would put up with my shit but he does a magnificent job of tolerating me. Hopefully we’ll reach a fine old age without one of us having put the other under the patio but I’ve measured it up, just in case.

Of course I’m KIDDING!

Or am I?

To be continued….

Image Credit by Jo Christian Oterhals Via Creative Commons


22 thoughts on “Love and Marriage

  1. This is just what marriage should be about, the commitment to each other, and the love and laughter. The “big fancy do” is something I worry about at times, it seems to be more about putting on a show than saying your vows to the person you love.

    Wishing you a day filled with happy memories and no need for the emergency loo roll to leave your capacious handbag x x x

  2. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful day and you’ll look great too, despite your protestations. Our wedding, about 100 years ago and including the 4 days we had in Paris, cost less than some people spend on a handbag these days…it’s about the commitment, not how much you spend. Much love to you and your OH on your commitment day

    Oh…I’m not sure that’s what I meant! 😜

    • 100 years ago? 😀
      You’re so right, it is about the commitment and not the lavish do….that’s how I feel anyway. For some, it really is all about the wedding and then they have a breakdown when the ‘perfect wedding’ isn’t so perfect because life isn’t perfect lol X

  3. Are you all trying to make me cry this week?? So far, every post has made me well up! This is just lovely, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Your OH is a very lucky man, and I hope that your life continues to be filled with the warmth and humour that you share so beautifully through your writing. Huge congratulations Tracy, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post with #ThePrompt x

  4. Aw, it’s bitter sweet isn’t it? Do you believe that your mum will be looking down on you and willing you on, cos I do. Best of luck for the big day and although it’s not an all out big do, so glad you got the posh frock and are getting a bit of pampering beforehand. Why the hell not?!

    • “Do you believe that your mum will be looking down on you and willing you on, cos I do.”
      As it happens, I do. 😉
      P.S frock is posh but was in the sale. I LOVE that four letter word lol 🙂 X

  5. Tracy I’m sure your wedding will be just perfect, it’s for you, OH and both of your combined kids, nobody else really matters. I would like to believe that parents who can’t physically be there with you will definitely be there in spirit. I’m really glad you are having some flowers, as I get older I look closely at each & every flower and I think they are just beautiful and then what a better thing to do afterwards is to put them on the graves. From what you’ve said about your Ma, shall we say, she was a very down to earth & forthright woman, there us no way she will miss your special day. Have you thought of buying 3 large special candles and light them 1st thing in the morning and leave them SAFELY burning during the whole of the day. Just a little spiritual thing that I’ve heard of others doing for people who are no longer with them.
    You are such a beautiful kind person, of course friends are going to do kind & nice things for you. Never had a spray tan, I need to know afterwards, do you smell of biscuits and will you leave brown stains on your sheets…lol.
    Just a little thing I think you should have thought about when writing this blog……..
    NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE HAVING A *BLOW JOB* ON THE MORNING OF YOUR WEDDING, some things should be kept between you and OH 😄
    The day will be full of such mixed emotions but please try your very best to focus on the happy bits and enjoy your day. This time you are getting married for the right reasons (not just saving money on a will) and you are doing it how you want and not having to do what people expect of you & OH. Take your time when saying your words, look into OH”s and remember his love for you, make it into a picture of it in your mind forever. Turn and look at all your combined children, you might have to search for S hehe but they are your future and what life is all about.
    You really are my twitter soul mate and I love you very much. Xxx

    • Ah Sheerie what beautiful words. Thank you very much!
      The candle idea is lovely. Alas, due to me OCD, not possible for me…I have big enough problems going out and leaving the fridge turned on.
      I think the saddest part of all this has been not being able to go out with mum and choose my stuff. I’ve missed that, none so much as yesterday when it all came to a head for me and I had a blubbery day. I ended the day watching one of Ma’s favourite TV programmes, ‘Ladies of Letters’ and I felt a bit better. *sniff*
      Lufs you very much xXx

  6. Good luck! You’re going into marriage with your eyes wide open and you’re doing it your way. There’s nothing wrong with getting married at 45, you’re doing it for all the right reasons. It must be painful to get ready for it without your mum’s support, but she’ll be with you in spirit and very proud of you and the choices you’ve made. x

  7. I hope that your wedding is everything you want it to be. I think low key is the best way to go, no matter when you get married. Good luck with it all, I wish you both many, many years of happiness and good health. #ThePrompt

      • What a fantastic post, I’m behind too so see this fantastic occasion has happened. I hope it was everything you wanted it to be. I’m a firm believer our loved ones stick around, I’m sure Ma will have made her presence known xx

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